I can text with my tongue
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
