We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
