I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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