There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
