So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
