i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
