Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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