Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
