please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
