dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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