I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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