Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
