She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
