I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
