I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
