That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
