Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize