I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
