and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
