god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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