nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
