don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
