i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
