there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
