Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
