Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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