I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's shark week go big or go home
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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