i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
