dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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