Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize