Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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