Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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