I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
