he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
