Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
