Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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