I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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