Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
