so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
