i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize