Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're a waste of cheezeits
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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