I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
