White coat. Heels.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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