just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize