we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
