ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
