so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
