Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
