If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
