I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
