I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have feelings that need drinking.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
