I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
