His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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