Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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