Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
