I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
