scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
