Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
