Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize