Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Four minutes until I can fart!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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