somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
