i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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