i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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